Laughing Against the Clock: 50 Hilarious Quotes on Procrastination

Have you ever hit the snooze button one too many times, or found yourself binge-watching your favorite show when a looming deadline was staring you in the face? We've all been there, and these moments of delay, also known as procrastination, often come with a humorous side. That's why we've collected some truly sidesplitting “funny procrastination quotes” that might just make you laugh out loud the next time you're dodging that ‘to-do' list.

Let's take a moment to think about one of the most successful figures of our time – Elon Musk. Yes, the man who simultaneously spearheads multiple billion-dollar companies like SpaceX and Tesla, and yet, he too, has been known to pull off crazy hours at work, often admitting to procrastinating on less exciting tasks. In an interview, Musk once jokingly said, “I feel like I should be working. If I'm not working, I feel like I'm wasting my time.” Well, isn't that a funny thought? That even a renowned business magnate procrastinates? This just goes to show, no matter who we are, we're all susceptible to the cheeky charm of procrastination. So, why not embrace it? Below you'll find our collection of “funny procrastination quotes” that will make you giggle, chuckle, or even snort a little, all while nudging you to laugh in the face of delay.

The Early Bird Versus the Night Owl

1. “Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” – Don Marquis

2. “If it weren't for the last minute, I wouldn't get anything done.” – Unknown

3. “I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.” – Unknown

4. “I do my best work at the last minute because the shorter amount of time I have, the more things get done.” – Unknown

5. “Procrastinators: Leaders of tomorrow.” – Unknown

6. “I'm not a procrastinator. I'm just extremely productive at unimportant things.” – Unknown

7. “The procrastinator’s motto: why do today what you can put off till tomorrow.” – Unknown

8. “I'm going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow!” – Sam Levenson

9. “Procrastination is my sin. It brings me naught but sorrow. I know that I should stop it. In fact, I will–tomorrow!” – Gloria Pitzer

10. “Why do today what you can do the day after tomorrow?” – Unknown

Time's Fun When You're Having Flies

“Hard work pays off later. Procrastination pays off now.” – Unknown
“My biggest regret is time spent being afraid of regrets.” – Unknown
“I started my homework, but then I got distracted by life.” – Unknown
“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time. But who needs them when procrastination has never lost a battle.” – Unknown
“Procrastination is the thief of time, collar him.” – Charles Dickens, David Copperfield
“My life is basically just a series of ‘That's a problem for future me' moments.” – Unknown
“If you want to make an easy job seem mighty hard, just keep putting off doing it.” – Olin Miller
“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain
“Tomorrow: A mystical land where 99% of all human productivity, motivation and achievement is stored.” – Unknown
“Procrastination is like a credit card: it’s a lot of fun until you get the bill.” – Christopher Parker

The Art of Postponement

“I'm going to write a book about procrastination…just as soon as I get around to it.” – Unknown
“Every time I say the word ‘diet', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.” – Unknown
“I'm on the seafood diet. I see food, I eat it, and then I exercise…tomorrow.” – Unknown
“I was going to take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed. Again.” – Unknown
“Procrastination is something best put off until tomorrow.” – Gerald Vaughan
“I’ll stop procrastinating, I swear… Starting tomorrow!” – Unknown
“I think of work as a big eraser in the sky that gets smaller every day.” – Unknown
“I'm very busy doing things I don't need to do in order to avoid doing anything I'm actually supposed to be doing.” – Unknown
“My housekeeping style is best described as ‘there appears to have been a struggle.'” – Unknown
“The best time to start was last year. The second best time is right now.” – Unknown

Tomorrow's Adventures

“The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.” – Unknown
“I'm a perfectionist. I'm pretty sure I'll get it perfect tomorrow.” – Unknown
“I was going to conquer the world but then I saw something shiny.” – Unknown
“Procrastination is the grave in which opportunity is buried.” – Unknown, but very funny when you think about it!
“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one. Or…just do it tomorrow.” – Mark Twain, modified
“I'm not a procrastinator, I'm just highly efficient at doing nothing.” – Unknown
“Procrastinate now, don't put it off.” – Ellen DeGeneres
“Tomorrow is the only day in the year that appeals to a lazy man.” – Jimmy Lyons
“I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for answers. And also, snacks.” – Unknown
“I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?” – Unknown

Lessons in Loafing

“My workout routine: I was supposed to start this week, but I forgot my gym shoes.” – Unknown
“I have a lot of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can't find them.” – Unknown
“Procrastinators don't set records for speed, they set them for inertia.” – Unknown
“I'm not lazy, I'm just in energy-saving mode.” – Unknown
“Someday is not a day of the week.” – Denise Brennan-Nelson
“I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.” – Steven Wright
“I will not put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.” – Unknown
“I've got a ‘to do' list, but I need to find it first.” – Unknown
“Only Robinson Crusoe had everything done by Friday.” – Unknown
“Today I will live in the moment…unless the moment is unpleasant, in which case I'll take a nap.” – Unknown

Chris Ventura

Writer & Editor for Ventured. Interests include: Golf | Building Businesses | Trying to find great pizza wherever I am