Are you ready to enter the sardonic world of one of the 20th century's wittiest women? In this post, we will be delving into “50 Witty Dorothy Parker Quotes” that not only encapsulate her biting humor and sharp wit, but also reflect her depth and insight. Known for her razor-sharp retorts and dry quips, Parker was a master at crafting clever one-liners and thought-provoking statements that remain relevant today. Her words offer us a window into her unique mind, filled with vibrant humor, poignant observations, and a healthy dose of cynicism – perfect for those moments when you need a clever quote to jazz up your day!
Have you ever heard the tale of how Dorothy Parker, in true fashion, responded to a question from her editor at ‘The New Yorker'? Once asked to use the word ‘horticulture' in a sentence, she quipped, “You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think”. Such an anecdote perfectly captures her ability to twist words and concepts to her favor, always with a hint of humor and irreverence. So, buckle up, fellow wit-enthusiasts, as we journey through some of the most striking “Dorothy Parker Quotes” that showcase her quick-witted, and sometimes biting, charm.
Witty Dorothy Parker Quotes
1. “Brevity is the soul of lingerie.”
2. “If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”
3. “I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.”
4. “Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.”
5. “I don't care what is written about me, as long as it isn't true.”
6. “The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.”
7. “Take care of the luxuries, and the necessities will take care of themselves.”
8. “I'm never going to accomplish anything; that's perfectly clear to me. I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do anything. Not one single thing.”
9. “I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”
10. “Women and elephants never forget.”
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Love and Relationships
- “It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.”
- “Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away.”
- “I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.”
- “There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.”
- “This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.”
- “The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.”
- “By the time you swear you're his, shivering and sighing, and he vows his passion is infinite, undying, lady, make a note of this: One of you is lying.”
- “I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.”
- “A woman's face is her work of fiction.”
- “I don't believe in aging. I believe in forever altering one's aspect to the sun.”
Life and Society
- “It's not the tragedies that kill us, it's the messes.”
- “Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.”
- “Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.”
- “I don't want to live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light.”
- “Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.”
- “The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”
- “If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.”
- “You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.”
- “There's a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go.”
- “I'd hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat.”
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Writing and Literature
- “I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do anything. Not one single thing.”
- “I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound; if I can remember any of the damn things.”
- “The only ‘ism' Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.”
- “If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of ‘The Elements of Style.' The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now while they're happy.”
- “If I didn't care for fun and such, I'd probably amount to much. But I shall stay the way I am, because I do not give a damn.”
- “I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money.”
- “The two most beautiful words in the English language are ‘check enclosed.'”
- “It's not the tragedies that kill us, it's the messes.”
- “You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.”
- “I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”
More Hilarious Dorothy Parker Quotes to Brighten Your Day
- “I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.”
- “The best way to avoid a hangover is to stay drunk.”
- “If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people He gave it to.”
- “You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.”
- “Hollywood money isn't money. It's congealed snow, melts in your hand, and there you are.”
- “I've never been a millionaire, but I just know I'd be darling at it.”
- “I like to have a martini, two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host.”
- “I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.”
- “If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.”
- “There's a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.”
Dorothy Parker's legacy lives on through her remarkable quotes, providing laughter and inspiration to all who encounter them.
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